Everybody has different timelines. That’s what moving back to Phoenix has reminded me the most. Ever since coming home I’ve been stuck in a rut. I was on the job hunt for a month when I moved home. And the longer it went on the more frustrated, confused, and depressed I got. For the longest time I thought I wanted a regular full-time job doing social media or graphic design. But the more I applied for jobs like those, the more I realized that is not what I want. Every time I applied for an office job, I got a weird feeling (hello intuition?). It was almost a feeling of “I know this is what I should want, but I kinda hope they don’t call.” Which obviously, for someone who is without a job, is not something I should be thinking.
It’s almost like I was torn. Part of me wanted a typical office job. The stability, the salary, the assurance that comes with it is so appealing. But the other part of me absolutely dreaded the idea of sitting in an office all day. It actually sounded painful. Stable pay and benefits can be great, but is all of it really worth it if I spend five days a week anxiety-ridden and dread-filled. Maybe I wasn’t meant to sit at a 9-5, not everybody is.
I’m constantly thinking and planning ahead. So according to my logical brain, finding full-time stability is what I should be doing at the age of 23 so that I can soon afford to buy a house. After all, my best friend since kindergarten just bought a house. I have friends getting married, having babies, buying houses, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of not being on par with “the timeline”.
Since we are young we’re taught that life events happen in a particular order in a particular way. After completing 12 years of schooling. You go to a four-year university and graduate with a bachelor’s degree. Upon graduating you get a job in the field you graduated from. Somewhere in between job promotions and saving money, you meet your spouse, get engaged, buy a house, get married, and start a family.
Living in LA for almost 4 years, the timeline didn’t matter. Everyone in LA is on their own track. There is no timeline pressure because the timeline doesn’t exist there. You can get married at 20 or you can get married at 38. Get a full-time 9-5 or juggle two restaurant jobs. It just doesn’t matter. LA is a melting pot and to be honest the majority of people that live there are very self-involved. But the best part about that, is most people have an open mind to everything because they only care about what directly affects them. Everyone is on their own individual timeline, and that is just how the city rolls. I didn’t worry about which boxes I had checked off because almost everyone around me was paddling alongside me in their own boat.
It’s taken me almost two months, but I am finally beginning to find my way again. And it doesn’t involve me sitting in an office 9-5. Getting caught up in “the timeline” caused me to lose focus on what I actually want. I want to work remotely with creative and caring people. I want to create my own in and out times and vacation and sick days. I want to grow Syrup & Scott. I just decided to go back to school part-time and for the first time in a few months, I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be on my timeline.