Let's Talk: 2020

The one where she doesn’t write a blog post for a year and a half and then comes back for business as usual.

Ahhhh 2020. Quite the year am I right?!

To be honest, I had all intentions of focusing on my blog last year. But ultimately, I think we all can agree that 2020 was not at all the year we were expecting or hoping it to be. We all had plans and goals and things we were looking forward to. And three months in, that all changed :) (*note the sarcasm)

Like many, I *planned* to make the most of quarantine. I was going to rebrand and redo my website and rework my Instagram feed. And I did get started on that. But anytime I found the confidence to post, more important matters arose. And suddenly my little idea seemed so insignificant to what was happening in the world. Like how could I write a recipe blog post in the midst of a global pandemic and a civil rights movement??

2020 was hard on me mentally. Like really hard. And I cried. A LOT.

This past year I came to the conclusion that I am an empath. And let me tell you, 2020 was not an easy year to be an empath. Between Covid, the Black Lives Matter movement, the election and more, I’ve felt emotionally and mentally drained for the past 9 months. And I know I’m not the only one.

My brain was pulled in so many different directions last year – all at the same time – so the fact that I managed to get my work done amazes me. And the thought of working on my personal projects, exhausted me. The problem is that writing is the only way I really know how to express my thoughts and put them in order so they make sense.

So as silly or as minuscule as this blog idea may be in the grand scheme of things, over the past few months I’ve realized how much I need it. It’s a creative outlet. It allows me to pour out everything that’s spinning around in my brain and word vomit it into something I, myself, can understand. Plus as someone who has a small group of friends and is currently a single pringle, it gives me something to focus my thoughts on when I’m feeling lonely or during times when my mental health is struggling.

Earlier last week something sparked me to watch all of my old travel highlights on Instagram, along with my 2019 recap video, and I started tearing up. I watched those videos and I saw how HAPPY I was. And to be honest, I don’t think that I’ve felt that amount of genuine happiness since then. Somewhere in 2020, I got a little lost in the chaos. I stopped cooking and baking and writing and altogether creating for the sake of creating. Plus, travel wasn’t even an option. And despite being a chronically anxious person ~ ironically ~ I’m often at my happiest when I am traveling and experiencing new things.

Over the past few years I’ve been so busy and dedicated to other people’s business and putting others before myself, that I’ve let my goals take a back seat. And I’m kind of tired of doing that TBH. My imposter syndrome got the best of me, but I’ve recently come to the realization that there are less qualified people out there going after things they really want, so if they can do it, so can I.

I’ve had so much anxiety about writing this post and wondering what others will think, but at the same time I am also so tired of caring what other people think. And I honestly don’t care if people don’t want to hear my opinions on products or read about my 2021 goals. I want to write my stream of conscience and show off my favorite Poshmark finds. And I want to post a photo of food I styled and discuss mental health. I will eventually be working on a new look, but until then, I am going to be doing my best to post what I want and what I love regardless of if anyone even reads it.

So here’s to 2021! Because regardless of how this year ends up looking, at least I’ll still have my little corner of the internet to document it.